Culture Shock and How to Deal With it As A Military Spouse and Traveler

Living abroad has its perks, as does travel but along with both comes a pesky little thing called culture shock. I have had the chance to live in Poland, Korea, and for now, Italy and have traveled to numerous countries along with each move. I was even born in Germany and lived there for several years, and would you believe even as a child I faced culture shock moving to the USA? With each new move comes big changes and a new take on life. Spouses and travelers alike often talk about how hard it is to integrate into a new culture, it can be especially tough for those who have never left home and they have to shake and disrupt their ego. It can drain you and confuse you, and when you don’t know how to handle it, it can leave you in shock.

What is Culture Shock?

Wikipedia defines culture shock as “an experience a person may have when they move to a cultural environment which is different from their own. It is also the personal disorientation a person may feel when experiencing an unfamiliar way of life due to immigration or a visit to a new country, a move between social environments, or a transition to another type of life. It’s often characterized by feelings of confusion, uncertainty, and sometimes anxiety. These feelings may affect people exposed to an alien culture or environment without adequate preparation. Culture shock typically includes four stages: the honeymoon, negotiation, adjustment, and mastery”

To say that I haven’t felt this as a military spouse and avid traveler would be a total lie. As much as I want to be abroad, this always happens to me! People all around the world live differently, and it’s beautiful. It’s also hard to integrate and learn all the nuances. Sometimes more seasoned spouses or travelers will tell those with fresh eyes to “get over it” or in a way, some people can make you feel downright bad about the way you’re feeling. I am here to tell you that it’s normal, it can be rough but you can endure culture shock.

Sometimes I just wish there was a fast-forward button so I could get all the icky parts over with, but I realize that my experience matters, those hard days where you just want to curl up in a ball in your hotel room or even while settling in, oddly enough matter.

I’ve created this guide so that you can understand how to deal with culture shock head-on, even as a traveler. Maybe you just need to understand what you are going through?

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Personal Stories of Culture Shock

In 2017, we embarked on an exciting journey from Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) to Bydgoszcz, Poland, filled with anticipation about our new life overseas. Getting those coveted overseas orders is something a lot of military families look forward to. Having recently left my job in the fitness industry, a role I was passionate about but had become somewhat exhausting, I recognized the need for change. This opportunity to reside abroad with the U.S. Military presented itself as a thrilling new chapter.

Upon our arrival in Warsaw, Poland, we were met with a wave of exhaustion and a sense of being overwhelmed. The Polish language proved challenging to decipher, contributing to our disorientation at the airport, but thankfully my daily lessons on Duolingo were helping, Or so I thought. Polish border patrol started talking to me and I was LOST because they were speaking so fast. At the time standing there in the Warsaw Chopin airport, I attributed these feelings to the fatigue associated with the logistics of relocating.

Our first night was spent in an apartment situated in Warsaw’s historic Old Town. The lively atmosphere of a local pub, resonating with the cheers of a football match, echoed up to our apartment, adding to our excitement. The realization that I was embarking on this incredible journey of living abroad was hitting me, finally and it was truly awe-inspiring. Our dogs, however, were understandably anxious, unable to comprehend the changes unfolding around them.

Setteling in Bydgoszcz

As dawn painted the sky, we packed our belongings and embarked on our journey to Bydgoszcz. The unfamiliarity of our surroundings was tangible as we navigated the winding roads. Our route along the A1 offered us a window into the picturesque Polish countryside, its beauty holding us captive. As Bydgoszcz drew closer, a wave of nervous anticipation washed over us.

Finding a hotel was a challenge, especially for NATO families like us, given the limited options in Bydgoszcz. We had booked what was advertised as a two-bedroom apartment, but upon arrival, we found it to be a single room with a bed, a bathroom, and a minuscule kitchen. The listing had misled us.

Deciding to shake off the disappointment, we ventured out to the local Carrefour for groceries. That’s when the culture shock hit us. We thought grocery shopping would be simple, but two hours later, after using our translator for every item, we realized we were in over our heads. As I approached the cashier and attempted to speak Polish, she stared at me blankly and said, “Nie, nie rozumiem” (“I don’t understand”). Overwhelmed, I left my husband to handle the rest and retreated to our rental car, where I broke down in tears.

I had thought I was prepared. I believed I could manage simple tasks like saying “Cześć” (“hello”), but instead, I stumbled over my words. Navigating the store was a nightmare, and the apartment was nothing like we expected. I felt like we were in over our heads. I had wanted this to be a seamless integration. After all, I grew up in Germany; I thought I could handle living abroad. But those were my famous last words. Not only that, I found that when Polish would walk down the street they looked mad, and I couldn’t figure out why (oh I soon learned why)

Reflections and Readjustments

Fast forward after three AMAZING years in Poland, I found myself comfortably conversing in Polish with friends at a dinner table. However, the Army had other plans and decided to relocate us to Korea. This was a whole new cycle of Culture Shock, not only was I going to have to deal with reintegration to a small American community but also I had to integrate into Korean Culture and society, at the SAME time. That was tough.

This marked the beginning of a new cycle of adjustments. This time, I decided to go to counseling to help process my experiences and adapt more effectively. Through talking to someone I found out that this was a normal feeling. I came to love those meetings with my counselor, every Friday night I would be at my 6 pm counseling session. For a good 6 months, I was able to walk through my issues and was given practical solutions that eased me in my transition. I am lucky enough that the military has vast resources like Military Family Life Counselors and you can even reach out to chaplains. I opted for a counseling service in Korea just outside of the gates of Camp Humphreys.

Tips for Dealing with Culture Shock

So how do you deal with culture shock? You are going to face this no matter what. It can be tough but here are some practical tips that you can adopt into your life abroad or traveling.

Language Learning

While Duolingo and Mango helped, nothing is better than being immersed in the culture so you can see how people use specific words and hear the pronunciation of a word. We were lucky enough to take classes on the NATO Base we were assigned to. Two hours every Tuesday and Thursday. Our Instructor Kasia moved so fast. I was so hard on myself and there were days I left the class crying because I felt so embarrassed and overwhelmed. The polish language is HARD. It threw me for a loop and made me feel like was a toddler again.

So, It’s important to remember that language learning is a gradual process. Start with simple phrases and gradually build your vocabulary. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you make mistakes. They’re a part of the learning process. Keep going and if you need to take a step back, that’s okay. Don’t be afraid to use the language as much as possible, native speakers are just happy you are learning. Remember DO NOT compare your progress to someone else’s. If I could go back and shake myself and tell myself “OWN YOUR PROCESS, NOT OTHERS” I would!

When we moved to Korea, I was a little less anxious and I gave myself grace. I also knew, and this is cynical, that we’d only be there for 3 years. Get the basics, get the customs and courtesies down and you’ll be fine!

Embrace the Unfamiliar

When we first landed in Poland everything felt hectic and relearning how to operate felt kind of cool. I had to realize that this was an essential piece to the culture shock puzzle. Embracing the unfamiliar and shocking my system led to growth. I was learning new things about myself monthly. How hard it was to truly adjust, what my limits were with language learning. It was like I was peeling back the layers of me.

It’s essential to embrace this unfamiliarity and view it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Try to explore your new surroundings, visit local attractions, and immerse yourself in the local culture.

Find a Support Network

Building a support network can be incredibly helpful. This could be other expats, colleagues, or even locals who are willing to help you navigate your new environment. I was lucky enough to make friends with my next-door neighbor, Aleksandra and we are still friends to this day. She would often check in on me and make sure all was good. Her partner at the time was our landlord and he’d often come over to check our furnace as we were on coal based heating system and she’d leave little treats for us in our garage. I remember one time after my husband deployed to Afghanistan she invited me over every week to make dinner and even have language session (often times it was just an excuse to drink and it was so fun)

There are also several clubs you can join:

1. InterNations: A community of expats worldwide, InterNations offers city-specific groups where you can connect with other expats.
2. Expat.com: This platform provides forums and resources for expats, including job and housing listings.
3. Facebook Groups: There are numerous expat groups on Facebook where you can connect with others in your situation.
4. Meetup: This platform allows you to find and join groups with shared interests. These groups often host in-person events, which can be a great way to meet people and make friends in your new city.

I have also found that travel groups help tremendously, here are some amazing ones:

NomadHer: NomadHer is an app dedicated to empowering women through travel. It provides a safe platform for women to connect with other female travelers, share their experiences, and organize events worldwide. The app allows its community members to enter a location anywhere in the world, along with the dates they intend to be there and be presented with a list of women they can connect with while they’re there. NomadHer organizes monthly travel camps to gather and share stories and travel tips within a safe and inclusive community.

Wanderful is a global lifestyle brand and community that aims to help women travel the world by connecting them. They achieve this by activating a live online/offline network of women travelers to create support, share resources, and build sisterhood.

Wanderful not only helps women gain the confidence and support they need to travel solo but also challenges the travel industry to better represent all women. They work with travel companies to tell award-winning stories that represent all women while creating a supportive and inclusive ecosystem for women worldwide

Girls Love Travel: is a global community of over 1 million active and aspiring women travelers providing resources and empowerment to one another to explore the world fearlessly through safety, socializing, and support. This community is a space to share travel resources, exchange travel advice, and form genuine connections with like-minded women. They aim to create a supportive community that encourages and uplifts each other, turning individual journeys into shared adventures.

Connecting with other Military Spouses

If you are a Military Spouse currently stationed abroad, I highly suggest getting involved in your community. Speak to Army Community Services and see where you can volunteer. There are organizations on base and even off base that immerse you in your new duty station. Look for organizations like the USO, and American Red Cross, and you can even volunteer with Army Community Services/Fleet and Family/Military Family Readiness.

I know so many spouses who have eased their way into a new life and dealt with culture shock by volunteering at local shelters, local international exchange foundations and even helping at English schools!

This is your chance to be creative and follow your pursuits!

Resources for Military Spouses

If you find yourself struggling, please note that counseling does exist and Military One Source has resources for you if you need to look into this. Please know that you are not alone and I have even sought counseling for culture shock and reintegration into the small military community we had in Korea. It’s real, it’s normal, and if you find yourself anxiety-ridden or it’s just too much remember to reach out!

Your local ACS has resources and Military One Source is a good resource to filter through if you are in a remote location!

Resources for Travelers Dealing with Culture Shock

1. Online Articles and Blogs: Numerous articles and blogs provide tips and strategies for dealing with culture shock.
2. Travel Communities: Online communities of travelers can be a great source of support. Members often share their experiences and advice on dealing with culture shock.
3. Counseling Services: Some organizations offer counseling services specifically for travelers and expats. These services can provide strategies for coping with culture shock and the stress of adjusting to a new environment.
4. Language Learning Apps: Language can be a significant barrier when moving to a new country. Apps like Duolingo, Babbel, and Rosetta Stone can help you learn the local language and reduce culture shock.
5. Local Expat Groups: Joining a local expat group can provide a sense of community and support. These groups often organize social events, which can be a great way to meet people and make friends in your new city.
6. Books: There are many books available that deal with the subject of culture shock. These books can provide insights and practical tips for coping with the challenges of living abroad.

Remember, it’s normal to experience culture shock when you move to a new country. It’s part of the process of adjusting to a new culture and environment. With time and the right resources, you can navigate this challenging experience successfully. Let me know if you need help with anything else!

Conclusion

In my opinion, travelers and military spouses embody the essence of resilience and adaptability. They often find themselves in new environments, facing unfamiliar cultures and languages. Yet, they rise to the challenge, turning these obstacles into opportunities for growth and learning.

Travelers, like you, navigate foreign lands, learn new languages, and immerse themselves in different cultures. They adapt to new ways of life, all while carrying the richness of their experiences with them.

Military spouses, too, demonstrate incredible resilience. They manage frequent relocations, maintain households, and provide stability for their families amidst constant change. Your experiences, from dealing with misleading apartment listings to navigating grocery shopping in a foreign language, highlight the strength and adaptability inherent in military spouses.

In the face of culture shock and the challenges of living abroad, both travelers and military spouses exhibit remarkable resilience. They learn, they adapt, and they grow. And in doing so, they not only survive but thrive in their new environments.

Remember, every challenge faced is an opportunity for growth. And every new place, a chance to learn and adapt. As you continue your journey, carry this resilience and adaptability with you. They are not just skills, but a way of life. Safe travels!